By Any Other Name
by smackthewarptots
Summary: Raven has lived her entire life in a precarious and never-ending quest for stability, but one failed mission puts everything she's worked so hard for at risk. As tensions rise and balance is threatened, Raven is willing to do anything to fix what has been done. Can she save her future when her present is spiraling out of control?
1. Chapter 1

Summary:

Raven has lived her entire life in a precarious and never-ending quest for stability, but one failed mission puts everything she's worked so hard for at risk. As tensions rise and balance is threatened, Raven is willing to do anything to fix what has been done. Can she save her future when her present is spiraling out of control?

…

Hey guys! If you are here because you read the first chapter in my previous fic 'Only Animals', welcome and thanks for sticking with me, and I promise I will be updating OA soon :)

As with my other fics, the Titans are all older, in their early/mid twenties. They are no longer the "Teen Titans". They are now known as just the Titans. Robin is Nightwing and Beast Boy is Changeling. At times I will refer to them by their civilian names which are : Cyborg= Victor Stone, Starfire= Kori'andr, Nightwing= Richard Grayson, Changeling= Garfield Logan.

The songs for this chapter are Riptide by Vance Joy and Stolen Dance by Milky Chance.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans.**

I hope you all enjoy!

…..

The forest was dark and damp after the week of mostly non stop rain that Jump city had been experiencing. There had been a break in the constant storm, which would have warranted a team trip to the park for hot dogs to enjoy the fleeting sun, had it not been for the alarm that sounded. It was supposed to be a simple mission. A few felons they had put behind bars had teamed up and managed to escape from Jump City Penitentiary. Lately, Starfire and Nightwing had been inseparable, and had opted to search together on the south side of the city, where 2 of the felons had been seen last by police. Cyborg had stayed to help the prison contain the other prisoners, as riots had been going on since the break out. And that was how, much to Raven's displeasure, she and Changeling had ended up scouring the forest where one of the felons had ran into. The dead pine needles compressed under Raven's boots, their spindles no longer crisp after the rain. Normally, she would have chosen to levitate herself, but something about the wasted sunny day left her feeling unmotivated and ill tempered, and thus she opted to trudge through the muck on foot, alongside her, also seemingly unmotivated, green partner.

"This is bull, there's no way we are gonna find him now. It's been too long since his escape and the trail is dead. I can't even catch his scent anymore." Changeling muttered as he stepped in a particularly gross puddle of mud.

Raven glanced at Changeling and nodded, not that he could see it under her hood.

"We should cut our losses and focus on more important things." He said as he dropped to his haunches. He ran a hand along the forest floor and, clenching some dirt, brought it up to his nose. He inhaled deeply, and then sighing, let the crumbling, moist, earth fall from his grasp. "Nothing." He muttered, and if she hadn't been paying attention she wouldn't have heard it.

But she was.

"More important things being ... what, exactly?" Raven deadpanned as she pushed an errant branch out of her path. The leaves dragged across her hand leaving wet trails across her skin. She watched as little droplets fell from her fingertips.

"More important things like upping security so things like this don't happen in the first place." He replied, standing back up and meandered towards a cluster of trees. Raven shivered in the damp air. Everything about this day was wrong: The bright sun and the muggy, damp air. The chill wind and the silence of the forest. The distinctly alive essence of the forest was, if nothing else, a distraction Raven did not need. "Things like wasting the only good day we've had in weeks."

Raven could hear the barely veiled anger in his voice, and couldn't help to wonder why this had gotten him so upset. "It was human error, simple as that. There was nothing to be done."

"You don't believe that, do you ?" He asked, rounding on her, arms crossed. Raven frowned under his gaze. She couldn't help but take a heavy step backward, until her back was pressed against the damp bark of a large pine tree. Her hands hung at her sides, her palms pressed to the tree behind her, as if it's solidity would give her strength.

"You think otherwise ?" She retorted, barely keeping her tone even. For some reason lately she and Changeling had butted heads at every turn. She tried not to roll her eyes as he scoffed.

She failed.

"And here I thought you were the smart one, Raven." He shook his head, and Raven narrowed her eyes. He had been goading her for weeks, egging her on with little quips pretty much since the horrid rain had started. She watched as he reached up and plucked a leaf off of a branch above him. He held it in his palm, staring at the dew-coated surface. "There are always improvements. Things can always be better."

Raven frowned. He was being especially difficult. "Why are you so bent out of shape about this. It's not like the guards let them out on purpose."

"That's not the point." He shook his head ruefully, his eyes lifting to meet hers. "The point is there are improvements that need to be made for any of this to matter at all."

As Raven watched him she finally managed to mask her emotions, and opted for her blank stare. "For any of what to matter?" She deadpanned.

"This. Us. What we do. Don't you get it, Raven? If they can't keep the criminals contained, what's the point in us locking them up anyways? What's the point in us?"

"Don't you think that's a little dramatic, Changeling?"

"No, actually, I don't. But you obviously do." He paused, and glared at her, "or maybe you don't care at all."

"What is that supposed to mean." Raven narrowed her eyes slightly.

"It means you don't feel anything, why should I expect anything else now." He snapped, and then seeing the fleeting look of pain on her face, sighed. "That's not what I meant…" He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers, clenching his eyes shut tight.

Raven steeled her emotions and recovered. She stayed silent as she looked at him, the regret clear on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but she didn't want to hear any more from him. She drew her cloak tighter around herself and looked away. "It doesn't matter. Why don't you continue east and I'll head west. We'll cover more ground and cool down." She turned on her heel before he had a chance to respond, and took off flying. The farther she got from him, the less her mind was clouded by emotions, both his and hers. Once she was far enough away, she sighed, and lowered herself to the forest floor. She rubbed her forehead with the palm of her hand, trying to push away all thoughts of Changeling and their inability to see eye to eye.

She was so busy gathering her emotions that she didn't notice the eyes that were watching her, hidden in the canopy of trees and underbrush.

She heard a twig snap and looked up just in time to see the escaped felon barreling toward her at an inhuman speed. She threw up a shield, only to realize it was too late. The man ran through her partially formed shield and tackled her to the ground, one of his hands fisting in her hair, forcing her neck exposed, the other brandishing a syringe. Before Raven had time to process, the syringe jabbed through the soft flesh of her neck, tearing the skin with the force. As the contents of the syringe emptied into her bloodstream, Raven felt her body give one last attempt to fight back, and a shock wave of black energy released as she let out an anguished scream. The man flew backwards, his back connecting with a tree, and the whole forest shook in her wake. Raven lay on the forest floor, her vision hazy, as she stared at the empty syringe laying next to her face. As she slipped from consciousness , her attacker slipped away into the fading afternoon.

….…..

Raven's eyes opened slowly. She felt sluggish, like someone had stuffed her ears with cotton balls. Her mouth had never felt so dry, as if it were sandpaper. She gasped for a breath she hadn't realized she needed, and forced herself into a sitting position. She winced in the cold hard light of the infirmary, holding her head with one hand.

"You are awake!" Starfire exclaimed, and rushed to Raven's side.

"How long was I out? " Raven asked hesitantly, her voice catching in her throat as she coughed.

Suddenly Cyborg was next to her with a paper cup of water. She took it from him, and it stuck to her dry lips as she took a sip.

"4 hours. Nothing extreme." Cyborg said, turning towards the screen where her vitals where displayed. "Gar was able to get you here in enough time for me to work on you. You'll be fine."

"Gar? Where is he? What happened? " Raven blinked to clear her eyes. The last thing she remembered was the man in the woods and his syringe. "Was I _drugged _?" She asked, her breath coming short.

Cyborg, sensing Raven's oncoming panic, reached to her and rested a hand on her arm. "Hey, you're safe now."

Just then, Changeling walked through the door. Upon seeing Raven alert and breathing, he jogged to her side. "Your awake!" he said and reached for her hand, which she jerked away from him, glaring.

"Yes, I am." She said, her voice cold.

Changeling, clearly taken aback by her tone, shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. "I.. well I'm glad you're ok Rae."

"Don't '_Rae_' me." She said angrily. She pushed herself up, trying to stand, and instead practically stumbled from the table. Changeling reached out to catch her but she shoved his hands away.

"I don't need _your_ help!" she spat, grabbing the table to stabilize her swaying legs.

"Well you certainly did when you were lying unconscious in the forest, Raven! " Garfield gestured accusingly.

"And where were you then!?" she almost shouted. Her face was red from anger and hurt. "Where were you when I needed you?" She said, regaining her composure. The way she was sucking in air like she'd been suffocating only made her seem even more fragile. She clenched her eyes shut. "None of this would have happened if you hadn't been goading me all day. Provoking me. If you had been able to be an adult for just one afternoon so we could do our job! "

"You flew off! _You_ left _me_, remember?" He growled back at her.

"Maybe if it had been bearable to be around you I wouldn't have!" She spat back, not caring if she hurt his feelings.

"You are so goddamn proud, Raven. It's never your fault, is it?"

"You don't know what you're talking about." Raven crossed her arms forcefully, her expression darkening further.

"Don't I ?" He replied, and not waiting for her to respond, walked from the room. Starfire hurried after him, clearly wanting to make sure he was ok.

"Rae..." Cyborg started, but Raven held out a hand, cutting him off.

"Don't. I'm too drained to listen to excuses."

"He almost killed him, Rae." Cyborg whispered.

"What?" She asked, her voice harsh.

"Gar almost killed that guy for hurting you. After he got you here safely, he went back out. Turns out he was able to get enough of the dude's scent off of you to track him." Cyborg said, hoping to diffuse her anger.

Raven shivered at the thought of the man touching her enough to leave his scent on her.

"Luckily, Nightwing went out after him and was able to get to him before he killed him." Cyborg busied himself with typing into the computer, documenting her condition while he spoke. Truthfully, he just didn't want to face her at that moment. There was nothing he hated more than seeing his best friend and his surrogate baby sister fight. Which lately, unfortunately, had been happening non stop. He wasn't sure what had happened to start their constant bickering. They hadn't fought like this in years, and it was driving everybody crazy. "Bottom line is this: you would be dead if it weren't for him."

"I wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place if it weren't for him. " She said, and kept her face impassive as always.

Sensing that she wasn't going to budge, Cyborg changed the subject.

"I need to take some more blood. ….and change the bandages on your neck." He said the last part under his breath, because he knew the moment she realized what was going on she would go into a panic.

"What did you say?" She said, facing him fully. She processed his words, and reached up tentatively to her throat. She let out a desperate gasp when she felt the sting of torn skin and the soreness from the injection. "Why... why am I not healing ?" She asked, her voice trembling almost imperceptibly.

"Whatever that dude injected you with contained a foreign chemical compound and it, well.." He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, "I haven't been able to figure out why just yet, but your powers went on the fritz. I had to use a serum to suppress your powers because you… you kinda almost destroyed half the tower when Gar was trying to get you here."

Raven blushed at the thought of Changeling carrying her unconscious body to the infirmary while the tower practically crumbled around them. She pushed her messy, matted hair out of her face and tried not to let the reality of her situation overwhelm her.

"So you're telling me I cannot use my powers for… how long, exactly?" Her lips trembled with her question, and she dreaded the answer.

"For however long it takes me to figure out exactly what that lunatic injected you with." Cyborg said, and then seeing the distraught look on her face, laid a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it'll be ok. I'm gonna spend all my time trying' to figuring out how to fix this." He said as he smiled down at her. She tried to return his smile, but found herself unable to.

How was she possibly going to survive without her powers?


	2. Chapter 2

…..

Raven was uncharacteristically sprawled across the couch in the common room, watching one of Starfire's documentaries on dung beetles, when Richard found her. He walked up and plopped down next to her on the couch, clearly apprehensive due to her current unkempt state.

"Heyy…" He started cautiously, nudging her leg with his own. "Can we talk?" He asked.

"What about?" She drawled, not caring how she looked or sounded. What was the point. She felt like a part of herself was missing and she felt no need to pretend otherwise.

"Since your powers are.. unavailable right now you are going to train in hand to hand." Nightwing stated, and held up a hand when Raven moved to protest. "You need to know how to defend yourself without your powers. You know I'm right." He crossed his arms and looked at her pointedly.

"I _do_ know how to defend myself. You've made sure of it." She retorted, sitting up and also crossing her arms. She wasn't about to let him push her around without a fight. She wasn't _useless_, after all.

"Not enough." Nightwing shook his head firmly. "You know basics. You've always had your powers to fall back on, and so I never pushed you too hard to train. Meditating and keeping your powers up to par has always taken precedence to physical combat. But now we have to make sure that you won't be a liability."

"A liability. I see." Her tone dipped into a volatile cadence, but it was as if Nightwing didn't notice her dark mood. He continued on as if she were complying perfectly and without difficulty.

"I would train you myself, but I don't have the time. JCPD has been in shambles since the break out. Riots have yet to die down, and the mayor is up my ass about damage control. Changeling will train you, instead."

"What? Why-" She began to protest, but he cut her off, not giving her the option to argue.

"He is the second best in hand to hand on this team. That's why."

"But Richard-"

"I'm not gonna fight with you about this, Raven! You're going to train with Changeling, end of discussion." Nightwing said, and the finality in his tone stopped Raven from further argument. "Go get ready, your training starts in 20 minutes."

Raven muttered angrily to herself as she watched him leave the room. She let out a frustrated huff, and then resigned herself to an afternoon of torture.

….

"Focus Rae! You're all over the place." Changeling quipped as he knocked her off balance again, sending her reeling onto the mat. She glared at him as she hefted herself up and back to a standing position. They had been training for almost 2 hours now, and she felt no closer to being able to hold her own in , she felt infinitely closer to killing the shapeshifter in cold blood, purely to put an end to his incessant babbling about 'proper fighting stances' and 'anticipating your attackers moves'.

"Maybe if you weren't such a lousy-" she spat between clenched teeth.

"Finish that sentence Raven. I dare you." He growled, catching Raven off guard. For as long as she could remember, she had always treated him like a nuisance. Not because he necessarily was one, but because he was scrawny and told lame jokes and was unable to take the world, or anything in it, seriously. This, though, was no longer the case. After his voice deepening at 16, and his growth spurt at 18, he was no longer the boy she picked on. Now at 23, he was a man, and though she never let her mind wander there, she knew he was now considered one of the most handsome men on the planet. He had recently been named 'People's sexiest man alive', a title that he had no problem holding over both Cyborg and Nightwing, respectively. Another trait he gained with growing up was his confidence. He never used to say anything when she sarcastically made fun of him, but those days were long gone. Instead, now, he wouldn't put up with her treating him that way. In short, he had grown a spine.

She blinked, shaking herself out of her thoughts, and then, instead of words, opted for physical blows.

He caught her arm as she tried to swing at his face and spun her around until her back was pressed against his front, his lips against her ear. He held her tight with one hand gripping her arm and the other holding her hip tightly. His fingers were wrapped securely around the curve of her hip, his thumb had ended up pushed up under the hem of her leotard, though he seemed not to notice the somewhat intimate contact.

"Come on, you can do better than this." He said, and his breath tickled her neck. She growled and ducked out of his grasp and shoved him away, unable to mask her lividity any longer.

"Maybe I _can't_, ok!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up and turning towards the bench where her towel and water bottle lay.

"Oh don't give me that. You know you can." He replied, hands on his hips. "Where are you going?" He asked, as he watched her blot sweat from her face.

"I'm done." She spat, and turned to leave, slinging her towel over her shoulder.

"You're done when I say you're done." Changeling retorted.

"Sure I am." She snorted, almost laughing at him. His expression darkened, and he crossed the room swiftly, not intending to let her leave without a fight. He grabbed her around the waist, spinning around and tossing her back to the mat. She caught herself on her arms at the last minute, though she still ended up sprawled across the mat.

"If you wanna leave you have to fight your way out." He said, and resumed a fighting stance. She stared up at him, mouth agape. Even he had to admit his actions were a little intense, but he didn't really care. He was so tired of her always fighting him. And now, without her powers, she was unable to run away.

She stood up and got in her fighting stance, the anger unmistakable on her face. "If I had my powers I would destroy you, and you know it."

"Sure Rae, whatever you gotta tell yourself." He chuckled and bounced on the balls of his feet.

Raven let out a growl and rushed at him, catching him off guard with the severity of her actions. She tackled him to the floor and straddled his lap as she moved to strike him, but he caught her arm and twisted, flipping them over so he was on top of her, her stomach pressing against the floor. He pulled her forward until he had her in a head lock.

"Can you tell me what you did wrong?" He asked, his cheek pressed against hers. She huffed in exasperation and tapped. He released her, and she gasped for breath.

"Yeah. I trusted you to be my partner and you let me down, allowing me to get attacked, and now I have to spend what was supposed to be a free afternoon with _you_." She said, and stood, ignoring the hurt on his face.

"You hesitated before you attacked. Those few seconds allowed me to turn the tables." He said, opting to ignore her jab.

She rolled her eyes and resumed her stance. The absolute absurdity of the situation hit her, and she barked out the most humorless laugh he had ever heard.

"What could possibly be funny right now?" He asked incredulously, not bothering to hide his exasperation.

"Nothing. Nothing about this is funny, Garfield." She replied quite honestly, and he contorted his face in confusion.

Raven took the opportunity of him being distracted to roundhouse kick him in the jaw. He went stumbling backwards a few feet, but recovered quicker than she had anticipated, and he rebutted with a boxing combo that ended with the hardest right hook Raven had even taken. She fell to the ground in a heap, her jaw already flowering purple and green in a nasty bruise. She rubbed her jaw, leaning on her elbow and looking up at him. _That_ certainly wouldn't heal soon.

"I don't know how to get through to you, Raven. You need to learn how to defend yourself but you won't listen to my advice. I can't teach you if you won't listen!" He said angrily, and then reached down and grabbed her arm, hoisting her upright. "Please. Just put aside your anger for half an hour so I can actually teach you something you can use."

She looked at him, how he was clearly just as tired and fed up as she was, and suddenly felt terrible. It wasn't like he asked to train her. He didn't want to spend his afternoon like this either. Sure, it had been his fault that she had gotten hurt in the first place, but did he really deserve to be treated the way she was treating him?

Without warning, the siren sounded, bathing the room in a familiar red glow. The two stared at each other, both equally glad for the interruption, and apprehensive about what was to come.

…..

"Blehck!" Changeling yelped as he stepped into a mound of mushy leaves and sludgy mud. The other two criminals had been spotted in the seedy part of downtown trying to buy fake passports. Nightwing was still dealing with the mayor and the press, so Starfire and Cyborg had gone in pursuit. Raven and Changeling, however, had ended up back in the forest after Nightwing, ever the detective, insisted they look for clues that Raven's attacker may have clumsily left behind. Both Raven and Changeling knew it was actually more likely that he didn't want her in the field just yet, with the uncertainty of her powers and her lack of physical training, and she hated the idea that Changeling was practically her babysitter.

"Careful princess. Wouldn't want you to dirty your uniform." Raven muttered sarcastically, earning a heavy glare from her teammate.

"That's great, Raven. You're helping _so_ much." He retorted, equally sarcastic.

"Well maybe if you could actually follow a scent we wouldn't be in this situation." She said, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes like a moody teenager.

"Whatever happened to us, Raven?" He snapped, shoving fallen tree limbs that had come down during the previous storms out of his way. "I mean, we were never great friends, but at least you tolerated me."

"Oh please. Don't pretend to care." She muttered, fussing with her cloak as it caught on a branch.

"You know what, the stupid thing is I actually do." He retorted, turning to face her. As he spoke, lightning cracked in the distance, the thunder rumbling through the crisp evening air. Raven glanced up at the sky, realizing the clouds were rolling in fast, and their dry spell was about to end.

"The stupid thing?" She replied, her voice dark with anger.

"Yes, it's _stupid_. Stupid because you clearly don't give a shit about me. You can't even stand me. I heard you arguing with Nightwing earlier. I know you don't want to be around me." His voice was equally dark as he pointed at her accusingly. Droplets of rain began to shimmer around them, but neither of them cared about their wet uniforms.

"That's not... I mean- " she stuttered, turning red in embarrassment. She hadn't realized he had overheard her. She was unable to meet his gaze any longer. Instead, she busied herself with studying the hole in her cloak where it had caught on the branch. Water dripped down her face despite her hood. The rain had really started to come down around them, and as she looked up at him rivulets of waters ran into her eyes. Blinking, she opened her mouth as if to speak, but couldn't.

"No Raven, It's fine. Message received. From here on out we have a strictly professional relationship." He said, and turned to continue their search, despite the growing storm.

"Gar..." she whispered, opting to use his real name. Though the storm was practically raging around them, she knew he would hear her still.

"Let's split up. You take- "

"NO! " she exclaimed, clutching her throat where the needle had punctured her skin. "I mean... I don't... I can't..." she suddenly felt embarrassed for her outburst, but the thought of being alone again in the forest was too much for her. She looked at him and saw the regret clear on his face.

"Oh, Raven… I'm sorry I wasn't thinking. We don't have to split up if you don't want to." He said, stepping towards her cautiously. His hair was soaked, his uniform clinging to him even more than usual, if that was even possible, and Raven was struck with how much he looked like he could be on the cover of one of Starfire's cheesy romance novels.

She was silent for a few moments, watching his face carefully. He waited for her to continue.

"It wasn't that I didn't want to be around you." She said, and dropped her head so she was staring down at her feet.

"Huh?" He asked, confused.

"It wasn't..." She paused as she debated being truly honest with him. "You almost killed him." She said finally, and looked up to meet his gaze. His brow was furrowed, his expression unreadable.

She looked away again, shivering in the cold, her soaked cloak no longer providing warmth in the storm.

"You're too good, Garfield. You never would have forgiven yourself if you killed that man and I... I couldn't be responsible for it." She whispered, knowing his animal senses would allow him to hear her anyways.

"Raven," He said, watching her carefully, "If it was to keep you safe I would kill him ten times over."

"But it wasn't, was it?" She asked, her tone slightly exasperated, "To keep me safe? You got me to the infirmary in time. I was safe. You went back out for revenge."

He turned from her, rubbing his forehead with his palm. He let out a weary sigh. "You're right. It was revenge." He turned back around to face her, and his eyes nearly stopped her heart. She had never seen him look at her, or for that matter anyone, like that. Like nothing in the world mattered but her in that moment. "But I'm not sorry."

Raven stepped closer. "I don't believe that, Garfield. I- "

"Why can't you believe I'd do anything for you? " He asked, his tone exasperated as he gestured between them. "Can't you see I care about you ?" His words brought her up short and her lips parted as if she were going to speak, but despite herself, she couldn't find her voice.

He stepped closer to her, catching her wrist in his calloused hand. "You are the single most infuriating, interesting, difficult, complex person I've ever met." He whispered, and she was captivated by his eyes. They mimicked the forest around them, equally green, equally alive. She felt time stop, as if the forest around them had pushed closer, enveloping them in a world away from everything else.

"You cannot kill people to protect me." She said, pulling her wrist from his grasp. He frowned and looked away.

"Why does this bother you so much?" He asked, still staring off into the woods. The downpour, at this point, was nothing short of torrential.

"Because…" She stopped and pressed herself further back into the brush, letting leaves collect around her, as if they would keep her safe from the storm. "Because I care about you too." She said quickly before she could take it back. He turned to stare at her pensively, as if he thought she were lying to him and would break character and laugh in his face.

"Then why do you never act like it." He asked after a few moments, an obvious question that she didn't want to answer.

"I guess… it just seemed like this was how our relationship was. You annoy the hell out of me with your juvenile antics, I piss you off with my cold, unfeeling, personality. That's just how we are." She replied in earnest.

"Wow." He said, and let out a bitter chuckle. "That's awesome, Raven. You're right. Our relationship is built on petty fights and a lack of emotions." He sighed and turned from her, walking deeper into the forest, and leaving her standing, dumbfounded, by his response. "You comin'?" He called, glancing over his shoulder. She nodded, and jogged after him, not wanting to be left alone in the forest ever again.

They searched in absolute silence through the onslaught of rain and wind, but found no clues. Both Titans returned home feeling bitter and tired.


End file.
